Leadership Insights from Coaching on Call
'In a Nutshell' - new ideas to keep you aware and informed
 
Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone et al (Harvard Negotiation Team)
 
Subtitled 'How to discuss what matters most', this book offers some practical insights and tips for dealing with those conversations most of us dread and often try to avoid at all costs. Even the most resourceful people will often admit they 'hate confrontation', which is how most people think of such conversations.
 
So what sort of situations are we referring to? The ones most leaders dread include having to deliver bad news to a client, colleague or supplier, challenge poor performance, discuss a sensitive issue or own up to a mistake or failure. Different scenarios are difficult for different people; just because you can share bad news sensitively with a supplier doesn't automatically mean you'll be great at managing personality clashes in your team.
 
Short term comfort vs long term learning
 
Successful organisations are intrinsically those where learning is embedded in the culture. So the ability to manage difficult conversations is essential to good business leadership because the avoidance or pasting over of potential conflict also means that learning cannot happen. People have to be able to receive difficult feedback and discuss uncomfortable issues in order to learn and change.
 
7 tips for managing difficult conversations
  1. Keep your outcome for the conversation realistic - understand what you can control and what is out of your hands. Plan for the conversation accordingly.
  2. Give bad news up front - prevaricating will not protect the other person and might even make it worse for them.
  3. Use the word 'AND' - pre-empting distractions, objections and blame by including what the other person might be thinking: ...and I appreciate how hard you worked, and I know this really matters to you, and yes, the brief could have been clearer, and... and...
  4. Get out of the 'blame frame' - the challenge is to reframe the question "whose fault is this?" to "where did the misunderstandings occur and how can we avoid this happening again?"
  5. Listen and acknowledge - instead of assuming that your understanding of the situation is 'right', ask questions and really take on board what the other person is saying, as well as how they are feeling about it. Understanding the other's point of view is not the same as agreeing with them, yet it can make a huge difference.
  6. Prepare for bad reactions - before the meeting, ask yourself what might happen that would throw you off balance and prepare for that eventuality. How will you bring the focus back to being constructive?
  7. Keep things in perspective. Imagine it's 3 months or a year from now when this has been successfully resolved; the immediate issue will seem less daunting.
 "The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled
with poison, drivel and misrepresentation."
C. Northcote Parkinson